Waves

Grief is such a funny thing.  It comes out of no-where and takes your breath away.  Just when you think you are chugging along and life is normal and you get in your groove…………………………………grief comes flooding in.  I usually struggle this time of year.  From coming off the holidays and missing Elaine……………..to knowing that her birthday is coming………………..it is just a hard stretch of the year for me.  

I think that lighting those candles over the holiday has brought her back in flooding memories.  I have always prayed that the memories I have of meeting her that day would hold their clarity and that God would allow me, as I was ready, to remember more of that journey.  My sweet friend Jaimie took a picture of Elaine to have it made into this memorial tile.  I am very hopeful that having this additional reminder of her will help.  I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

I think it is interesting to find a “new” normal.  Though the pain is not what it was years ago, it still is there.  It comes in waves and ebbs and flows.  I can be fine for months and months, and then find myself bombarded with thoughts of her.  Her teeny tiny toes.  Her face being the length of my pinkie, yet perfectly developed with such detail.  There is no way you can hold a baby that is that small (13 inches to be exact) and not totally acknowledge that there is a creator!  She was so beautiful and I just miss her so very much. 

Thank you for listening and I will share my new tile with you when I get it.  Thank you Jaimie! 

On to other things………………………………………………………………………

I have officially declared that there is simply not enough time for me to do everything.  I know that this is not a HUGE revelation to some, but I really think that I have still been holding on to the idea that doing it all was possible.  Hah!  Scratch that thought! 

I now realize that I simply can’t do everything.  Homeschooling consumes the majority of my day as I work with each child at their level.  I have come to see that to do this well and to do it right, it has to become a lifestyle for us and not just something we squeeze into the typical hours of a school day.  It is hard to wrap my brain around next year and the coming years, but I have decided to take it one day at a time and one kid at a time. 

Here is our victories so far today in school:

*Emma has mastered the 60 or more words for her Spanish test tomorrow at WHHE (West Houston Home Educators)

*Zeke is reading sentences and finding confidence with himself.

*Evie completed one book of her Lang Arts (there are only 2 for the year)

*Eli and I survived the day.  Enough said.  He got through his worksheet. (after 3 trips to the corner and also him copying the word ‘obey’ 20 times, but he did it, and I have the proof of it)

*I feel good about what all we did today, and am showing myself grace in what we didn’t

My sweet hubby should be home in about 15 minutes.  Glory!  He has so much on his plate at work, so he can relate to the stress I feel here.  It is cute because he comes in……..we see each other…………..we both have that look of “we made it” …………………….and embrace and enjoy a long well deserved kiss and cuddle………………………….all the while we have 5 little ones pulling on his legs screaming “daddy, daddy”.  ( I am sure you can picture this)  We both laugh all the time thinking we should be making the big bucks with a reality show!!! 

Love you all and hope you had a day that was more relaxing than mine!  But hey I am praising God for today!

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